Have you ever broken off a relationship with someone because you knew they weren’t healthy for you only to find yourself questioning your decision a few months later?
Whether it’s an intimate relationship, a family member, or a friendship when we finally decide to break away from a situation that isn’t good for us, we can feel an enormous amount of relief that the struggle is finally over.
Coming home to ourselves after a long time away and rediscovering who we are without this relationship in our lives can be a deeply moving and beautiful experience.
However it is not without its challenges for as we journey deeper inward and our lives empty of relationships that were not a vibrational match for us we can find that all the space being created in our lives is often accompanied by an acute sense of our aloneness.
It’s easy to mistake our aloneness for loneliness and it’s even easier to think that the reason we feel the way we do is because we made a mistake removing that toxic relationship from our lives.
If you previously removed someone from your life for your own health and well-being and are considering renewing that relationship then here are three questions to ask yourself before making that decision.
1) Do you miss this person or do you miss what they represent?
It pays to give this one a lot of thought because often we’re inviting someone back into our life not because we miss them but because they are in some way symbolic of what we deeply desire to have in our lives. It can be such an easy trap to fall into to take our loneliness and to use it as evidence that we made the wrong decision so think long and hard about your reasons for wanting this person back in your life.
2) Have they changed?
There is, of course, an exception to the above and that’s if the person you removed from your life has, over a period of time, consistently demonstrated to you that they are making changes in their life. If you choose to allow someone back into your life do it slowly. Ensure that you are seeing action and not just hearing words. Prioritise your own health and well-being above all else and only grant someone full access back into your world when you feel sure that the changes they are making are genuine and long-lasting.
3) Does the relationship shrink or expand you?
In situations where you’re trying to decide whether or not to let someone back into your life, and just because your heart loves someone that doesn’t mean they’re good for you. Just because your head tells you that you should be compassionate and give someone another chance that doesn’t mean you should. Sometimes we need to be less selfless and more self-full so that we can do what’s best for us.
So if you can’t listen to your heart or your head what should you be paying attention to? The answer is, your body.
Think about someone that’s no longer in your life. Now think about seeing them again. How do you feel? Did you feel a momentary flutter of excitement or a sense that your body was expanding? Or did your chest feel tight and heavy? Things that expand and energize us are things we need to pursue. Those that shrink us or leave us feeling a sense of dread are things to be avoided.
Be guided by your intuition (gut feel) and how something feels in your body. Think of your physiological responses as being like your internal alarm system or GPS. If you pay attention and take on board what they’re saying and act in accordance with that then you’ll never stray from your path and you’ll always end up exactly where you’re meant to be.
When you go through massive change and your life goes from full to almost empty don’t panic. Remind yourself on a daily basis that removing the wrong people from your life is creating some much-needed space for the right people when they come along.
Don’t use your loneliness as an excuse to invite toxic people back into your life — if you do you’re only delaying all the beautiful gifts the Universe is wanting to send your way. Be patient because everything you’re searching for is searching for you too.
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